Hey beautiful people! That very long holiday weekend is finally (I’m not one for the holidays) over and we are back to our regularly scheduled programs.
Which reminded me of all of the times I didn’t think I was going to make it through something only to get through, look back and feel like I need to trust myself and my God more.
It’s so easy to say “Everything happens for a reason.” but to actually live that way, knowing everything really does happen for a reason and one day the reason will be revealed is a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Walking by faith has been a hard lesson to learn for me — always tying to control the unknown. Maybe its the Virgo in me, maybe its the anxiety coming out at the worst times, or maybe it’s just me … being human, trying to figure out the best way to maneuver through this thing called life.
Whatever it is, this weekend reminded me — I can (truly and honestly) do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Bet, you didn’t see that one coming. Lil’ ol me, STACi P, full of surprises!
This weekend reminded me of my inner strength. Reminded me of who I can be when I choose to trust myself. You see, discovering “my anxiety” has given me a new life. But, its also takem a large portion of my old self, the parts I heavily relied on, like confidence, to get me through the days and unquestionable times.
However, its coming back and in a more honest and genuine manner — thank God! Weekends like last help to rebuild my confidence based on my ability, my awareness and my strength! Not so much based on my ability to clapback at anyone without hesitation or walk into a room and not worry about the next person. That “don’t let them see you sweat” kind of confidence. Trust, all of that’s coming back too — don’t test me, lol.
My hopes are when I feel insecure and/or doubting myself, I will rely on my strength and knowledge of my abilities. If I have somewhere to be, or something to do — I will remember my strength. I will remember this weekend and how I got through it. And you know what, actually had some fun, too — who would’ve thunk it? LOL
Something like my “new normal.”
I just want to keep showing up for myself in ways that I didn’t know I could. I want to keep reminding myself of that inner beast that’s within me. I want to keep pushing towards all of the things they said I couldn’t have … and take them anyway!
This weekend reminded me of the beast that I am — don’t let the smile fool you.
I’m coming for it all and on my terms. So, don’t take a double look if you see me in the most unexpected places doing the most unexpected things. I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Trust and believe that.
And reminding myself, I’m not slowing down … I’m just readjusting.
A couple of tweaks, here and there, constantly re-evaluating and evolving. When I say I want to meet my best version — it’s no bullshit. I really want to be the best version of myself. I’m going to shine in my own way.
The best part is realizing I am already doing it. The moment you decide to do, is the moment it starts to get done. I am focused on who I am supposed to be, so I will be her. I’m a work in progress but, it’s steady working. So grateful for the insight this (dreadful) past weekend has given me — all is well that ends well!
until next time,
— details —
Suede Jacket: Bagatelle; thrifted — For Sale, email me for inquiries.
Leather: Forever 21, similar here
Shirt: H&M, similar here
jeans: Forever 21, similar here
tights: HUE, buy here
bag: JAS MB, similar here
boots: Dolce Vita, similar here