Hey Beautiful People! Originally I wasn’t going to post these photos for many reasons; as much as I love the outcome and vibes of the photos taken, I’m not too fond of how I look and the journey I was on. Even more reason, why I need to share today.
Often we hear, you never really know what someone is going through. It’s so true. I have spent most of my life hiding behind a facade I created so, I can stay afloat in this world. From early on, I knew I was built for strength and life has challenged at every corner, at every turn. Through Gods grace, I’ve found ways to remain standing.
But, there comes a time in every strong persons life, when they break. That’s exactly what happened to me. Everything as I once knew, quickly crashed right before my eyes and I was left gasping for my last breath. My mind was too clouded to think for myself, my heart was too broken to piece anything together, my soul felt shattered — I finally understood what it was like to be weak. I hated it.
Frankly, I was so unfamiliar with the territory I didn’t know how to deal so, for a while, I didn’t. I gave on everything I was, everything I wanted to be. I stopped living and started to exist. My lungs were empty. The woman you see here, was lost and so unfulfilled. The only thing I could do was make a choice to stand up, to live. It was time to make a change. It was time to unapologetically show up for myself and bravely choose she. It was time be okay with the weak moments but, get back to the strength. It was time to lean on someone else for a change, so I could regain the desire the live and make the choice to never stop again. So, I did — I took my first breathe of fresh air and a new journey began.
As much as I share, I’m a private person — never wanting to feel embarrassed or ashamed of my struggles, wanting to show the world that strong fearless character I made up so long ago to get me through. But that day, on set with Micia (@MerelyMish) — I opened up and shared with her, briefing I needed her strength and without hesitation and much support, she was there. The role I usually take on was not mine that day — it was necessary to let someone else jump in my place. On that day, instead of feeling insecure — I was empowered. In that moment, I felt strong for having the courage to lean on someone else as much as I showed up for myself, while saying “I’m not feeling how I look but, I’m going to give my all anyway.”
When I wanted to crumble to my feet, instead I stood. Every time. Over and over again until I no longer gave myself a choice to crumble. I’m intentionally facing what’s in front of me and choosing to cope until I can master these emotions. The woman I see before no longer exists in entirety, although her presence still lingers as a reminder. Strength is a choice. At first, God made the choice for me. At a very young age, he implanted that quality in my heart to get me through. Now, it’s a choice I have decided to embrace to be a part of my story, to be a part of me.
I choose strength over weakness but, I understand and appreciate the moments I am allowed to be both. I choose to lean on others instead of disappearing altogether because I understand my being is important because I am still here. I have decided to fearlessly go after everything that I know is for me because if it’s God’s will, I have nothing to worry about. I have decided to trust me, trust my journey and live my life.
To the fragile woman I see before me, broken yet so strong — listen to the whisper that things will get better. Trust in the pain that bought you to the journey. Lean on your sisters, like @merelymish when they lend their shoulder. And most importantly, continue to show up for yourself, fearlessly and unapologetically. Because one day, on a cold Winter day like today, you’ll look back and be a witness to your own journey and have yet another testimony to share. I’m so glad I’m here, y’all.
PS. I’m also really thankful I still have my styling chops because lets face it, this whole look is bomb and we killed these pics — humbly speaking, of course. Make sure you head over and check out MerelyMish.com — she’s a Clinical Counselor and she’s speaks on all things beauty and health & wellness. Such a sweetheart!
until next time,
— details —
Bodysuit: Urban Outfitter; similar here
Lace Overlay: Forever 21; similar here
Creative Direction and Styling: STACi P.
Hair: styled by models.
Photography: The Devious Gentleman